


Colby Granger, the Reluctant Reindeer

by bergann



Category: Numb3rs, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Animal Transformation, Community: undermistletoe, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-31
Updated: 2010-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-06 21:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bergann/pseuds/bergann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colby might have freaked a little when he turned into a reindeer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colby Granger, the Reluctant Reindeer

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt _Day 4 - Someone is turned into a winter-related animal._ at the undermistletoe community.

Colby might have freaked a little when he turned into a reindeer. He remembers looking down at his hooves - seriously, his _hooves_ \- and the crumpled pile of his BDUs on the cave floor, and thinking _oh shit_ before he'd pushed past David, quite possibly stepping on David's foot on the way out if David's pained shout had been anything to go by, and run into the forest.

After that, he remembers very little except running through the forest, and how it felt pretty fantastic, running like this through the light layer of snow. When he slows down a while later, the clicking of his knees keep distracting him as he walks, and he thinks that maybe he should turn back. He really doesn't want to be stuck as a reindeer forever. It would suck if Atlantis never found him, and he'd spend the rest of his life wandering around this planet as a reindeer.

So he makes his way towards the mountain that he knows also means the 'gate, until he hears a twig snap and he pauses, because there's this - this _smell_ and something feels very wrong, which is exactly when the dart hits his flank.

Colby grunts loudly in alarm and feels his head spinning, can't seem to be able to walk straight anymore or even move much at all and he falls to the ground, watching with growing dullness as a group of what Colby really hopes is his own people and not the local villagers looking for a meal, approach him.

It would suck even more if he becomes someone's meal.

*

 

Evan watches as the reindeer stirs, the effects of the tranquilizer Captain Edgerton had shot it with finally wearing off. Even though Lieutenant Sinclair had watched the transformation take place with his own eyes and Captain Edgerton's assurances that he'd been tracking the right reindeer tracks and Doctor Keller's assurance that the reindeer is indeed one Sergeant Colby Granger, Evan finds it a little hard to believe.

Evan had never thought of Colby as a reindeer.

Colby moves his head and his eyes seem to slowly focus on Evan. He makes a small sad noise, as though he feels betrayed, and Evan thinks he can kind of understand that. If he'd been hunted down and tranqed by his own people, he'd be feeling pretty betrayed too.

But then again, Colby had run away from Lieutenant Sinclair and Captain Eppes, so he had to be expecting soldiers looking for him. "Hi," Evan says, a little awkwardly, and Colby's ears twitch. "You're a reindeer."

Colby snorts at the statement, letting Evan know that even as a reindeer he's perfectly capable of figuring the obvious things out on his own, and gets to his feet, shaking his head once he's up. For a moment Evan thinks Colby's antlers are going to hit the shield but they miss it by an inch. "Zelenka and Doctor Fleinhart are working on the machine and trying to reverse the effects, but I think maybe Doctor Eppes is getting in their way a little as he keeps checking the math."

It feels downright _weird_, talking to Colby when he's like this, because Colby's just standing there staring at Evan with these big brown eyes.

To hell with it, Evan decides, and swipes a hand over the controls to open the doors. Colby watches as he steps into the cell they'd had to place him in, and Evan stretches his hands out.

Colby noses his hands, huffing a breath once he seems to have checked Evan's hands over completely, eyes meeting Evan's again with a _'now what?'_ look.

Which yeah, okay, Evan really hadn't had much of a plan stepping into the cell other than that he hated having those bars between him and Colby, and the fact that Colby just seemed lost on his own. He reaches out with a hand to the fur on Colby's neck, and when he places his hand against the warmth of it, Colby leans into the touch with an approving snuffle.

"You'll be human by tomorrow at the very most," Evan says, pretty certainly, because after five years in the Pegasus Galaxy, and even more in the SGC, this kind of problem isn't exactly _new_. They should be getting good at reversing transformations by now. "Though Sheppard said if it turns out you'll be stuck like this for a while, he wants you to be Rudolph for the children on the mainland." Colby's look of 'are you serious?' is surprisingly similar to his human one.

Just because he can, Evan starts humming 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' and Colby takes a bite out of his BDUs, looking completely unapologetic when he lets go and there's an actual rip.

*

 

Evan, Colby thinks two days later, is such a liar.

No one seems able to tell exactly what's gone wrong, why none of the changes they've made to the machine seems to make the slightest difference, but it doesn't really matter that much to Colby, since he's stops listening after the 'so, you'll probably be a reindeer for a little bit longer' part of the speech.

It's not like he could tell them anything even if he had any ideas on how to fix it either.

It's pretty dull being a reindeer on Atlantis. If he was a cat or something smaller, they'd no doubt let him roam free on the Atlantis - or at least follow someone around, but as a 590 pound reindeer, they're keeping him in the cell they usually use for prisoners.

Colby had tried getting past Evan the third time he visited; except Evan had threatened to get Captain Edgerton to stand guard with his tranq-gun, and Colby really doesn't want that. Captain Edgerton is awesome, and Colby's fairly certain David hasn't forgotten that time they got drunk and Colby confessed to idolizing the guy, but when the guy is pointing a weapon at you, it's pretty hard to like him.

Who knew they even had tranq-guns lying around. Colby had expected to be shot with a stunner, if he was to be shot with anything at all. Though it wouldn't surprise him if it turned out that Edgerton had brought the tranquilizer with him to Atlantis. It seemed like the sort of thing Captain Edgerton would do.

But even as a liar, Evan seems to have understood that letting people come by and just stand there _grinning_ at him through the bar is a bad idea, and he's really glad for the restriction of access. The zoologists had been a nightmare, and Colby'd never felt like actively attacking the scientists before, he got along _great_ with them at the SGC, but he'd certainly been considering it when they were measuring him and checking over his entire body, completely ignoring the warning grunts and show of teeth he'd been giving them.

Too bad Colonel Sheppard has authority over everyone though, because not even the restriction can keep him from dropping by and talking cheerfully about putting on a great Christmas show for the kids on the mainland.

Colby has nothing against kids, but there's no way he's being Sheppard's Rudolph.

Colby tries to tell all of this to Evan, to beg Evan to get the zoologists back, because at least they limited the Colonel Sheppard's comments. Evan mostly looks amused and Colby has no belief that anything he's been trying to say is understood, it's just a series of grunts, but then Colonel Sheppard walks through the door, Colby thinks he might not need the words. Because.

Because his eyes kind of widen in the alarm, he's sick of listening to the Rudolph jokes, and Evan glances from the Colonel to Colby, and his face kind of lights with understanding.

The next day, the zoologists are back, and they're not as bad as before, really. Colby wouldn't be surprised if it turns out Don or Evan or David, or hell, even Megan had a word with them about just when it was time to give in, before 'the reindeer' got really mad. As zoologists, Colby reckons, they really should know that pissing off the 590 pound reindeer is a bad thing to do.

Things are good, as good as Colby expects being a reindeer on Atlantis is going to get. Still, even as a reindeer, Colby should've known that the peace wouldn't last long. It never does for long on Atlantis.

In fact, it lasts three days. Three days until Don and Evan are walking through the doors, no doubt to make sure Colby's being a _good_ little reindeer around the scientists. Colby's lying on the floor, totally calm, letting them run whatever tests they want to run, right up until he lifts his head and notices that Don's hand is clapped on Evan's shoulder while they're laughing over some story - and it's like something inside him snaps.

Before he even knows it, he's on his feet, paying no mind to the wires hooked to him, and charges through the door that has been left open, straight at Don.

Evan fires a stunner at him before he reaches Don, and Colby drops in his track, manages to bray a warning to Don because Colby can let this go for now, but Evan is his.

*

 

The zoologists decide to tell him (and everyone standing around his cage) that his reaction had been totally normal for a reindeer during the mating cycle. At this point, Colby stopped the braying he'd been doing in Evan's direction (he can't _help it_, and he'd been trying really hard) and grunted in utter horror. Everyone turns to stare at him, and everyone looks like they're trying hard not to laugh (except for the zoologists, who are deadly serious), and Colonel Sheppard's shoulders are actually shaking.

Colby brays in his direction, his intent more to grunt a challenge, and the bray is almost exactly like the bray he'd been giving Evan for the last hour, which weirds him out because he doesn't think about the Colonel that way. He can't help but snort with his own, special reindeer kind of laughter though, when Doctor McKay's face sets angrily as he steps in front of the Colonel as though to protect his virtue from Colby.

He looks back at Evan and once again he can't seem to stop the bray that emerges from his throat. David laughs, and Colby considers charging at someone just so that he can't be conscious for this anymore. But just then, one of the zoologists start to explain how it might have something to do with how Major Lorne and Captain Eppes have both worked so long with Colby that it should be expected that in Colby's current state, he'd be a bit possessive. Gate-teams are like families on Atlantis, and though Major Lorne's team only occasionally work with Colby's, it could be enough to trigger this sort of reaction.

Colby decides that he loves that zoologist - thinks maybe he's called Doctor Foresburg - and favors him with a bray.

*

 

Things go pretty great after that, other than the fact that Colby can't seem to stop braying at people he might've possibly found attractive if he wasn't involved with Evan. The worst part is that he's braying only at men. His career is so fucking over. Although the Colonel just whistles innocently whenever he's around to hear Colby do it.

It's enough to make Colby grateful enough that when Colonel Sheppard next brings up the subject of going to the mainland to give the Athosian children a nice Christmas surprise, Colby brays (he can't _help it_) and grunts his consent.

So the next day Colonel Sheppard comes in, loops a piece of rope around Colby's neck and leads him to the puddlejumpers in silence, other than Colby's constant brays, and the snickers of Captain Edgerton as he follows behind them with the tranquilizer gun.

Once in the puddlejumper, Colby lays down on the floor in the back, Colonel Sheppard's team in front, and Captain Edgerton and Evan in the back with him.

Not that the others aren't coming, Atlantis just isn't the kind of city to let something like this slip past, so nearly all the puddlejumpers are bringing people to the mainland. The whole thing will probably be taped and put on the network for all within the hour of their return to the city.

Colby would be pretty pissed off, but he figures if he lets this whole thing go quietly, some of them might decide not to mention the whole 'mating season' thing once he's human again.

Once they get to the mainland, it turns out the Athosians have been hard at work making a _stage_ for the whole thing to take place on. Colby had thought it would just be on some cleared ground, but this has apparently been well planned, and Colby's definitely not going to bray at the Colonel anymore.

It takes about half an hour before everything is ready, the Athosians settled down and other members of the Atlantis expedition that the Colonel has managed to talk or blackmail into helping out settled into their costumes.

"Hi, my name is Colonel John Sheppard and I am going to tell you the story of a very special reindeer." Sheppard grins widely at the Athosian crowd, the Atlantis personnel standing on the edges, one or two with a camera in their hand. "One Christmas not too long ago Rudolph, that's the name of this special deer, was standing alone on the day before Christmas. He watched as the other reindeer ran and played together, they had such fun..."

Colby tunes most of the story out, goes through the motions the Colonel had practiced with him, and manages not to bray at anyone.

Not even when Evan (playing Santa, and how that had happened, Colby has no idea) runs his hand down Colby's back as Rudolph is truly accepted as one of Santa's reindeer.

The crowd claps and cheers, like it had been a professional performance of an epic nature, and not a bunch of scientists and soldiers who'd spent the entire 'play' trying hard not to laugh, along with a transformed reindeer.

Colby's feeling pretty good though, and he hasn't brayed at anyone, so he allows himself the small liberty of licking Evan's hand while he's pretty sure no one is looking. He's an awesome reindeer.

And then he's sitting on the grass, human and naked, thankfully off the stage, and he takes one look at the shocked faces suddenly turned to him. "Well shit," Colby says, and passes out.


End file.
